Can you see where this is going?? What would people think!? Not at the bachelorette party, oh no, at the bridal shower. The box of sex toys went with us because really, where else would I leave them? The popped the lock and started a scavenger hunt through my bedroom. I'm totally ok with that. I even had the insight to not only close, but lock my bedroom door before we left just because I didn't want anyone in my room, but at one point my DAD and my BROTHERS could not find one of my cats and thought maybe I had accidentally locked him in my bedroom. Our only daughter getting married and she didn't invite the neighbors!
The next day was busy as I unpacked and got us settled into our new place. Now I'm not judging anyone or their sexual preferences, but most everything in that box was not really my kind of deal. My ex and I did not live together before we got married that was big mistake! He had run the cable line through the closet wall to reach our wall mounted TV. Two days later we got married, left for our honeymoon, and left my parents a key to feed our cats. I saw it as people were still moving us into our house. The popped the lock and started a scavenger hunt through my bedroom. I frantically scanned the sea of people to see if anyone was shooting "she's a freak" glares in my direction, but whoever it was avoided me well. At some point the cable guy showed up and I'll admit it, that was one good looking cable guy. My grandmother and my mother watched me open anal beads, a penis pump, and things that I cannot even describe to you. As I was frantically trying to unpack and get our new place settled, I dumped all the raunchy sex toys into a clear box that I had used during the move, and then shoved them under the bed. I even had the insight to not only close, but lock my bedroom door before we left just because I didn't want anyone in my room, but at one point my DAD and my BROTHERS could not find one of my cats and thought maybe I had accidentally locked him in my bedroom. The cable box was sitting I was planning on eloping. Not just on top of the sex toy box, but the now opened and rifled through sex toy box. I only know about this because when I got home the sex toys were on my bed, still in their CLEAR plastic box, complete with anal beads, penis pump, and other unmentionables pressed against the side in all their glory. That's it, I'm done. At my grandmother's house where I had been living? He then proceeds to tell me that if I need anything, anything at all, that I can give him a call directly. Well, I sure as hell wasn't about to let anyone else see that box and so I shoved it in the back of our storage closet where it was going to stay until the day that I could regift them to my ex's coworker; which was a fabulous plan until the wedding was called off and I forgot all about the clear plastic bin hidden away in the back of our storage closet. He hands me his business card with his cell phone number written on the back and once again assures me that if I or my husband need any help that either of us can just go ahead and call him directly; anytime of the day or night. I was planning on just getting them out of my sight for the moment and dealing with them later. What would people think!? Forgot all about it until I saw it sitting on my new bedroom floor, left there by one of the volunteer movers from my church. To this day I'm still not sure which male family member of mine thinks I'm kinky and to be honest I plan on keeping it that way. I'm totally ok with that.
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